Hotline

Halooo….
Yes, what’s up?
Is that God?
Of course, who else can it be? Don’t you recognize my voice?
Sorry Sir, I wasn’t sure, we have a problem here.
What is new about it, you guys are always in trouble.
No, Sir, this time it is damn serious, we have messed up the whole earth.
Yes, I know.
We are all going to die.
Yes, I know.
You mean you know about it and still sitting doing nothing? What kind of a God are you?
Well, first of all you don’t believe in me; it is not a sign of scientific temperament, right?
That’s true, our Science is based on solid reason, logic and precise mathematics.
Then why on earth you have this mess?
Well, our scientists are investigating the issue.
Then what am I supposed to do?
Sir, please, try to understand, it is getting worse day by day.
What? The investigation or the mess?
Both, we need your help Sir, please save us.
How can I help people who doesn’t even believe in my existence?
Sir, please don’t be emotional, I am talking to you, that proves that you exist.
Ok, well said, continue.
If you help us to clean up the mess, I am sure everyone will believe in you.
You mean, I am crying for your bloody belief in me? C’mon kids, have some mercy for me.
Sir, for thousands of years we have fought wars to protect our belief in you, made thousands of temples for your residence, can’t you see, we have always believed in you.
Well, that’s true, but you guys have such horrendous believes; you want my left hand to kill the right hand. It is terrible.
Sorry Sir, that’s old story, we no more believe in religions, we are into spirituality, the real thing.
What’s that?
We believe that the earth is a living thing, we have even given her a name ‘Gaya’ and we are into deep ecology, depth psychology, etc
Definitely that’s good, but why go only deep and down, why not up and high?
Sir, we do send rockets.
Rubbish, I don’t mean that space junk, I mean ecology and psychology of heights.
No, Sir, we are not yet there, most of us suffer from vertigo.
That’s fine, now tell me, what can I do for you in practical terms?
We know that you are in good terms with Indians, and according to them, when ever there is a crisis on earth you will take birth and save us from the crisis. It’s bit childish but still we are looking into this possibility.
You mean the tenth Avatar, Kalki?
Exactly, you got it.
You see, there are already at least a dozen of them on earth.
But they are fake.
They have millions of followers, I don’t think I have a chance.
Sir, we will market you, we have a whole army of advertising professionals who can make people believe in anything.
For example?
We can sell refrigerators to the Eskimos.
Then why don’t you use these marketing professionals to make people clean up the mess on earth?
Well, it is not that simple, first of all we made heavy advertisements to make them buy thousands of consumer goods which they don’t need; they are buying it whole heartedly. Now asking them to consume less is difficult, they can’t stop, they are addicted to it. To make it worse our economy needs consumers, without more and more people buying things our economy cannot grow and make money to invest in saving the planet. You see, it is a chicken and egg situation.
You mean you need money to save the planet?
Yes Sir, absolutely.
So, in short, you are proposing me to be the biggest businessman on earth?
Oh, No! That is not what I meant.
But the logic of your arguments implies that.
Sir, you are reading between the lines, I just want you to save us.
Suppose I am ready to save you guys and take birth on your planet, what am I supposed to do? Become a sweeper to clean up all that junk ? Or a trade union leader to stop the industries from producing the junk? Or a politician who will anyway get shot?
No Sir, there are enough people doing that, we should find some other way.
What if I become an enlightened old man?
Sir, by the time you take birth on earth and become an old man the earth will be dead and gone. We need an immediate solution, there isn’t much time left, the global warming is picking up, pollution levels are unbearable, forest coverage is disappearing rapidly, biodiversity is shrinking everyday, more and more nations are becoming dangerously developed and voraciously consuming; it is terribly urgent.
I see, I can’t play the old man, you are right. Unfortunately that is the role I know very well and many of you guys knows how to recognize. What if I have already taken birth and saved the planet? That will solve the problem of time.
What?
What if I have already saved the planet ?
But…well…how does it work?
You guys can investigate the last century and discover that I have already saved the planet.
Are you kidding? Sir, it is life and death for us, please don’t make fun of us.
Oh boy, you just don’t understand, I can work in the past, present or future because I am outside your Time.
I don’t believe this.
You never believed in me anyway.
Sir, I am nervous.
Yes, that’s the problem. Can’t you at least just relax? It will be a great support for my work.

(And the God hung up the line)